Letter From a Farm Kid

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer, the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I' m only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get on to this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Mow the Lawn

Yesterday morning, I take the dogs outside. It is like 6:15 am or so. The creepy 14-15 year old kid from across the street is outside. Why?? I have no idea. I walk the dogs from one corner of the block to the other and back. Just like I do every morning. As I'm walking up the driveway, the kid walks across the street towards me. By this time, Boomer is barking his head off at him.

I put the dogs in the house and say Hi. The kid asks if he can mow my lawn. I almost start laughing in in face. I thank him for the offer but tell him that I like to mow my own lawn.

I couldn't stop thinking of this video. Thanks Gambino for the link.

Ain't Got The Common Sense Your Mama Gave You

It was good to read a story in today's newspaper. Yes, I know that I'm one of only a few people who still get the paper delivered to my front step each day.

A mother found some candy on her son's bed and wondered if he had anything to do with the shooting and murder of a 77-year old candy store owner. Turns out he did.

Good for you, mom. You did the right thing. Now if only more people would take that much interest in their children's lives the city/world would be a better place.

You can read more about this story here.

Testing the mobile blog function

The Manifesto

I took this from Laurie's Facebook page. From trivia..... Please note that I (yes, me , Hey Jo) had the question correct but was nice and went with StB's answer. Bad choice....

One of my regular trivia players tonight didn't like one of the questions (he felt the answer was incorrect) and this is the list of things I must do before he will no longer be upset with me.

1. Public apology that is not sarcastic (I told him I was sorry he had sand in his vagina. He did not find that to be an acceptable apology)
2. Must buy me a beer
3. Admit the question was dumb
4. Admit what you did was wrong
5. Play the X-Rated version of the song "Community Property" by Steel Panther.
6. Make out with a chick (I told him I would only do this after he found a chick who would make out with him)
7. Proclaim that this is NOT a manifesto
8. DUTCH RUDDER (if you don't know what this is, www.urbandictionary.com)
9. Chirp like a monkey
10. Bring me a taco from McBob's
11. Cannot read this out loud to everyone until it's been completed (of course I read it out loud immediately)

And this wasn't even the craziest of things that went on tonight. I love my job. :)

This and That

I have been very lax lately about posting. Just no ambition….that and being busy. It would help if I could access Blogger from work, that is where I think of things and by time I get home, I forget them.

I wanted to post a few pictures from camping a couple of weeks ago. It was kinda breezy out. A gust of wind came up and flipped the canopy over. It wasn’t anchored down. It was funny how, in slow motion, it just went up and over. Thanks goodness no one was hurt.

Lately, there have been a lot of odd stories in the news. You really have to wonder what the hell people are thinking… or not thinking.

A couple of favorites….

A police sergeant who abuses her power to find the phone number of a “hot” guy so she could call him to set up a date. Sounds like she has had other issues with her ethics. Is she just stupid or horny?? You make the call.

Small town of Milton, WI has three 8th graders who overdoes on heroin. It was stolen from one of the kid’s mom. That is not worst of it.

A fourth teenager who happened to be at the park recognized the signs of heroin overdose and called a 20-year-old man known around town as a local heroin user, police said. The man, who was not far away at a laundromat, assessed the situation, then saved the life of the most seriously ill boy by injecting him with Narcan, a drug that counteracts the effects of a heroin overdose."Think about that," said Tim Schigur, the middle school principal. "They know enough to call someone who's a local user to come save their friend's life. It's amazing we live in a world that has that kind of skill set."

I would like to know at what job is this a required skill set for?

I rock at bar dice. Played on Friday after the Brewer game at the bar. It was basically one shake and I was out for that round. Poor StB couldn't win even when the bartender was practically giving it away. Now if I could have that same kind of good luck when shaking dice for “shake of the day”, I would be happy camper.

Speaking of dice, for those of you who are on Facebook, have you played Farkle? Talk about addicting. It is a dice game that was first played this past New Year’s eve. It was hilarious. Farkle became the new word of the day. Farkle this, farkle that…. You get the picture.

Boomer, the barker, is back at home after a week at my dad’s. He was rather naughty this time. I guess that he was just barking all the time. I need to get a new battery for his bark collar. It is nice to get a break from him. Rufus and Riley are happier and I can sleep through the night, not having to take him outside in the middle of the night. I wish I could find him a home where they have time to work with him. He is so possessive/aggressive at times that I just don’t trust him, that he won’t bite someone and that they will have him put to sleep. I will keep him before I take that chance. I go camping at the end of the month so will see if he can stay there for the week after that again.

Was at a party for my neighbor on Saturday. One of the girls there, who I have met once before, recently started using Match.com to meet men. She is a cute girl, in her mid-thirties. She was telling us of one of her recent “dates”. They had been talking online for a couple of weeks. They meet for coffee (or lunch, I forget) and decide to go golfing. After 18 holes of golf they go back to her apartment to clean up and go to dinner. He takes a shower and comes out of the bathroom asking her if she has any lotion. She gets it for him and really does not think any more about it as some men do use lotion on their body. She notices that he goes right into her bedroom and not back into the bathroom. After a couple of minutes she goes to check on him and finds him sitting on the edge of her bed, whacking off. She is horrified. She asks him what he is doing. He asks her if she wants to watch him. She tells him to get dressed and get out. A minute or two later, he leaves. She goes back into her bedroom and discovers that he finished the job in the washcloth that she gave him for the shower. She said she used her cleaning gloves and took it outside to the dumpster and tossed it away. Needless, to say, they never went out again. Why did he not do that when he was in the shower?? I just can’t believed that actually finished… ugghhh… yuck… Men, not a really good way to make a first impression on a date.
Heading out to the Brewer game tomorrow.

Peace out!!

Making Friends

I seen this on the New Yorker and thought it was hilarious. With all the traveling I have been doing recently, I'm glad that this was not me.

Hello, six-year-old child.

Seeing as how fate has brought us together here, in the crowded coach section of this expensive airplane, I thought I should introduce myself.

My name is Amy, and I’m an adult. I suspect that you’re too young to understand what “adult” means, so let me explain. It means that I’m taller than you, and smarter, and that I get to do lots of awesome things, like smoke cigarettes and ovulate. It also means that I like to take naps on airplanes and read my newspaper in silence. These things seem to be very different from the things that you like to do.

I’ve gleaned from its near-constant utterance by the woman sitting next to you—your mother, I suppose, or perhaps a social worker or a federal prisoner who’s being paid to spend time with you—that your name is Timmy. It’s probably Timothy, actually, but people call you Timmy because it’s cuter. Which is appropriate, Timmy, because you’re very cute, you really are. You’re really very fucking cute.

I’m going to drink this cup of coffee—would you like some? I didn’t think so. You’re more of a juice-box man, from what I gather. The way I gather this is by looking at the stain on my ninety-eight-dollar pants, the one you made when you put your juice box there. If I touched your pants, Timmy, I would probably be sent to jail. There are lots of differences between you and me, but that’s one of the big ones: the quality and the seriousness of what happens when we touch other people’s pants.

You’re not much of a sleeper, are you, Timmy? We’ve just met, but it seems to me like maybe you don’t really enjoy sleeping all that much. In fact, it seems to me that one of your greatest joys in life is wakefulness—and not simply passive wakefulness but the kind of vigorous wakefulness that makes a person like me start to question the very possibility of silence as a condition that can exist in the universe. I can see that I’ve confused you, Timmy, and I apologize; I was only trying to point out that you really seem to enjoy being awake. Let me make it up to you by giving you this modest dose of Ambien. It’s a kind of candy for your soul. Your soul is a kind of mouth that’s inside your brain.

Here comes the nice stewardess lady with a bag for collecting people’s garbage. Would you like me to give her some of the garbage that’s strewn all over your seat—and, if we’re being perfectly honest here, Timmy, all over my seat as well? And, while we’re at it, maybe I could give her this talking doll—the one that sings songs, very loud songs, songs of terrifying and ungodly volume, from that animated movie about adventurous insects. It’s not that I don’t love the doll; it’s just that I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for children to carry such things on airplanes. Have you heard of terrorism, Timothy? That’s why it’s illegal for you to have this doll.

Your whimpering and your dripping facial parts suggest that perhaps this conversation has run its course, so I’ll let you get back to your finger painting, your fidgeting, and your wanton, inexplicable shredding of the in-flight magazine. I’ll be here in my seat, fantasizing about hurtling my childless adult body out of the airplane and into the sky. Enjoy the rest of the flight, Timmy. I’ve really enjoyed sitting next to you. It’s fun to make new friends.

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Fait Accompli

I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day. Thank you to all those who serve to protect our freedom.

The past few weeks have been busy. It seems like the weekends just fly by. I have been doing some remodeling in the house and now things are finally almost done. I had the hardwood floors refinished, painted the living room and hallway, stained and installed new molding in all the rooms, hung new window treatments. It is nice to have this almost done. I still have to find things to hang on the wall yet so that is what keeps me from being finished.

Saturday was indoor stuff. I finally took the sheets that were hanging in the windows down and hung new panels. Getting the old hardware out was a pain in the ass. The previous owners used some crazy ass metal screw thingys that were a pain to get out. I spackled the holes, sanded and touched up the paint a bit. Got the new hardware installed without issue and viola... new curtains were hung. I also put two of the cordless shades in the windows that face the neighbors driveway. They are nice cuz they let in light but offer privacy.

I went to Milaegers on Sunday and got some pepper and tomato plants and flowers. Once I got home and started planting I realized that I needed more planters. A quick trip to Kmart and I was back in business. Got the grass cut. Still pissed that I can't get the new weedwacker to work.

Went to watch the Brewer's games on Friday and Sunday nights. That was a mistake. The Twins are not supposed to be good but they sure walked all over the Brewer's. It was nice to see them bounce back in today's game.

Today was more outside stuff. I took down the storm windows. That was hard. They are freaking heavy. I got the windows washed. It is amazing how much brighter the rooms see when the windows are clean.

17 loads of laundry later and I'm ready to call it a weekend. My back and legs are tired from going up and down a ladder.

I feel really good that I got alot done this weekend. It really gives me a sense of pride that I can do so many things, on my own, that I never knew I could do.

I Smell Poop

It started in March. The setting: Universal Studios in Orlando, FL. While waiting for my nephew and his girlfriend to get their drinks refilled, I sat down under a tree to stay out of the sun. I felt something hit my head. I lift my hand up and sure enough... a bird pooped on me. A few napkins and water later, I was all cleaned up and ready to go.

Last weekend in Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, TN. My cousin and I are walking around. There are alot of trees and the park is nicely shaded. Once again, I feel something brush against my hair. Once again, another bird pooped on me.

Last but not least, this afternoon. I'm walking down the street with the dogs, heading towards the park. Rufus stops to whiz on a small tree. Once again, I feel something brush against my hair. Once again, another bird pooped on me.

WTF?!?

It was a small bird in a tree that was not more than 8-9 feet tall. Thanks goodness I had a Kleenex in my pocket.

What does it mean when you keep getting crapped on by birds? Is it good luck... bad luck... or just damn unlucky?? All I know is that I'm not sitting under any trees at camping this weekend.

Picture Show Horror

I was going to write about my trip to Tennessee last weekend and post lots of great pictures. More about that in another post.

Except for one thing.... my crap camera has decided that it does not like my memory card and keeps wanting to reformat it. Hence, I lose the pictures on it. I have determined that it is the camera and not the memory card as it has done the same thing with three different cards.

I may be heading out to Best Buy to go get a new camera tomorrow. I never really cared for the camera. It sucks batteries like crazy. When I was in Florida last month, I went thru 8 AA batteries in one day at Sea World. It's not like the batteries are crappy ones. They were Kodak brand. Recommended for cameras. My last camera had a nice rechargable battery that I never worried about.

I figure I will sell the crap camera on eBay and let someone else deal with the mess.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a new camera? I want to stay in the $200-$300 range

The Shii for women

The women's answer to the Wii. I really like the last game!!


Shii - The Wii For Women - Watch more Funny Videos

Generation Y

What is Generation Y?

Hmm, I've always wondered this myself.

Now I know.

• The Silent generation, people born before 1946.
• The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.
• Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
• Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 1995

Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!

Tweet, Tweet, Tweet

I'm on Twitter. If you click on the link you will get my page where you can follow my boring life.

I am amused by the people that will follow you. I am being followed by the Los Angeles Clippers, George Webbs, Germanfest, a plumber and a shoe store. I am not sure why these people are following me but hey, they must find my boring life interesting. Especially when it is 140 character snippets.

I am following the local newpaper, a couple of friends, an author that I like and several other random people/groups.

Are any of you Twitter's? If so, do you have any strange followers?

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to all of my readers.

I hope you enjoy the day.

The Boys of Summer

The smell of fresh cut grass, the sounds of the ball hitting the glove. It's that time again, kids.

Welcome to baseball season!!!

Yesterday was opening day for the Milwaukee Brewers. Thanks to Gambino for hosting it this year. A good time was had by all. Popped open the first beer about noon. It was a cool, sunny day. It would have not been so bad outside if the wind wasn't so crazy.

Shortly before the game, with the food ready, the party was moved inside. The gang was gathered around the tv downstairs rooting the Brew Crew to a victory over the Cubs (can you say, YUCK!!). It was an exciting win in the bottom of the 9th.

Watched the game tonight and the score went back and forth several times. The umps missed a double play call that may have changed the flow of the game. In the end the Brewers rallied but fell short. The rubber match is tomorrow night. If I recall correctly, it is the Fox game of the week. You can watch the Brewers win even if you are not a local.

When I was over at my dad's last week, my nieces asked if I would take them to a game. That was something that they liked to do with hubby and I. Now that he is gone, I plan on still going with them. Now if I can just find someone to drive.....

It's Rufus Time

This weekend I'm having the floors in my office and the spare bedroom refinished. More on that later. Because Riley and Boomer like to bark and are a bit hyper they were shipped off to my dad's for the weekend. So this weekend it's just Rufus and I.

I think Rufus is happy about that. He gets to lay on my lap without Boomer honing in. He gets to eat when he wants without the other two coming in and hogging the food dish. He gets the good spot next to me in bed without Boomer starting a fight.

Right now he is laying on the couch chewing on a Booda bone. He loves to chew on them but never gets to because the other two dogs will take them away from him. Rufus tends to be very mellow and doesn't always fight back for stuff like this. So when one of the other dogs takes it away from him, he lets them.

He loved it when we went for a walk in the park this afternoon and he got to stop when he wanted to. We could pass other dogs and he just keeps walking by. The other two have to bark at anything that walks by.

I have to pick the other two back up tomorrow but Rufus and I will have enjoyed our time together.

Questions That Will Make Your Dad Cringe

How hard is it to move a heating duct to a new spot??

Can't you just cut the old metal door jamb out and put in a new wood one??

The heating ducts are in the middle of the walls in my bedroom and the spare bedroom and it makes it hard to put furniture in the room without covering it up.

He hemmed and hawed a bit and said no. Darn.

I am finally getting the floors in the house refinished in the next couple of weeks. That means that I have to rip up carpeting in the spare bedroom and get the furniture moved around enough for them to do the floors. Anyone want to help??

The sucky thing is that I can't walk on it for like 3 days and can't put furniture on it for 10 days. Not so bad for the bedrooms but the living room will be hard. Not sure what I will do with the tv and stuff. I just can't wait until it is done. I am going to put new baseboards on and paint the walls.

I would like to put new solid 6 panel doors in. The current doors are set into metal door frames. Why?? Who knows... usually you see metal in commercial buildings not homes. Which means that you have to paint them. First you actually have to sand them and then paint them. That sucks and they look crappy.

Ahhh... the joys of home ownership.

Still Winter

It started late yesterday afternoon.

I went by my cousin's home for my great-aunt's 85th birthday. We have always been pretty close and she has been more like my grandma since my aunt lives down here and my grandma died when I was 17. My aunt was surprised to see me there. It made her day she said.

We spent the afternoon looking thru a bunch of old pictures. Most of them did say who the people were so we went and label alot of them. A few I will be using for blackmail (not really) on Facebook. It was really neat to see pictures of my great-great grandparents.

By about 5:00 pm or so it started to rain. By time I left at 8:30 pm it had turned to sleet/snow mess. I had to scrap a half in of inch of my windshield before I could drive. Thanks goodness for 4-wheel drive on the truck.

When I got up this morning I had about 3-4 inches of wet heavy snow. I shoveled a bit, just enough to take the dogs out. My plan is to do just enough shoveling so that the sidewalk is clear and the mail lady/paper guy can deliver my stuff in the driveway. I am hoping that the rest will just melt in the next day or so.

Isn't March supposed to come in like a lion and out like a lamb?? Some days I really wonder why I live here, especially during the winter. There is nothing good about winter in Wisconsin.

When I took the dogs out last night I had to reign them in and keep them in the back yard as the coyotes were back running around. I have not seen them in a couple of months and was not happy to see them now. The mom coyote should be just about ready to give birth in the next few weeks as it is that time of year. She will be hunting and looking for food for the pups.

Welcome to winter in Wisconsin. Have a good week all.

Back in The Saddle Again

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I can attribute some of it to being on vacation. the rest.... being lazy.

I was in Orlando on vacation a week ago. Had a great time. Even with the quasi-tralier trash I had to room with. I went with hubby's brother (BIL), his wife (SIL), their son and his girlfriend and the wife's sister and her husband (now known as TT Wife (TTW) and TT Husband (TTH)).

I got into town on Sunday late afternoon. Got to see the space shuttle taking off. It was very cool even from 90 miles away. BIL, SIL and kids picked me up. We went to Downtown Disney and ate at Planet Hollywood.

Monday was spent relaxing. Since we had two condos we had a kitchen and we went shopping for some food. Things were a bit pricey compared to Wisconsin. A 12 pack of Miller Lite was 13.59. Hung out at the pool in the afternoon and went to downtown Disney for dinner. Ate a a nice Italian place. Here is the pool at the condo.


On Tuesday, SIL, TTW, TTH and I went to Sea World. TTH kept referring to Shamu as Orca. The Shamu furry did not think this was funny. Here is a pic of SIL and I with Shamu.


TTW and TTH are basically drunks. Most of the time they were drinking or talking about drinking. TTH had his first drink at 7:14 am on Tues. He was mad that Sea World did not sell beer until 11:00 am. He wanted a drink about 8:30 or so. They were so exhausting to be around. I have never met more negative people in my life.

Here is a cute pic of a sea lion sleeping.


Wednesday was spent at Universal Studios. We left TTW and TTH as they went to Animal Kingdom. I would have liked to go there but not with them.

Here I am with Shrek and Fiona (with SIL) and also with Marge and Homer. The Simpson's ride was awesome.





Thursday was the highlight of the trip. SIL, TTW, TTH and I went to Discovery Cove. This is a park where there only allow 1000 people in the park each day. You never feel crowded. We got to swim with the dolphins. Our dolphin was Natalie. She was great. I got to give her a kiss, a hug and the finale was where we got to hold on to her fins and she pulled us thru the water. It was SO FREAKIN' COOL. If you ever get the chance to do it, do it. It was well worth the cost. Here are pics of me and Natalie.








Friday had BIL, SIL, the kids and I at Islands of Adventure. We left the TTW and TTH back at the condo as they were out of money. Had a great time riding the Dueling Dragons and the Hulk roller coasters. I was there about 10 minutes when the kids went to go fill up there soda cups. I sat down under a tree in the shade. I left what I thought was a leaf drop on me. Turns out it was a bird pooping. I had bird poo in my hair and on the front of my shirt. Oh well....

All in all it was a great time. I am hoping to convince BIL and SIL that they want to take their next vacation in Hawaii in Dec. The Badgers are playing a football game there and a few days later the men play in basket ball tourney. They are thinking about it.

See ya'll soon.