Monday, June 28, 2010

Obama at the Bat

Based on the poem Casey at the Bat by Ernest Thayer.

Once you read the poem, the video may make more sense.






The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day:
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Casey could get but a whack at that -
We'd put up even money, now, with Casey at the bat.

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a lulu and the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Casey's getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despis-ed, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance gleamed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped-
"That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one," the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
And its likely they'd a-killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, "Strike two."

"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered fraud;
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out.

"Phin"

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Match Email #1

I got an email the other day from a guy on Match. Here it is in all its 'glory'. I did no editing to the style except for the font changes.


Hi Dear
I read your profile and really enjoyed it. You have a beautiful pictures..am Matt just join match dating service yesterday... Am new doing this online dating

scene.. I will like to give it a try and see where it will goes. I'm 45 years old am completing 46 tomorrow. A freelance researcher and love children..but am

currently out of the state doing some research in UK Norway

I work in Agricultural Soil Manuring and Productivities Organization as my profession and travel a bit for my business. Most of my trips are One or two week a

couple of times a month. I am considered a crops safety expert and do public research speaking engagements as well as events throughout the country. But

presently UK London on a research i will be in the state soon..Words to leave by. Distance does not matter to me in a relationship neither do age, be cause i

don't mind relocating for the right Woman.

I have an out-going personality, easy going, and have a great sense of humor. I meet a lot of people; my problem is there has to be that chemistry and it is

hard to find someone where that chemistry is there. I really need someone that I can hold an intelligent conversation with, who can answer at least one

question on Jeopardy by herself without any help.

I love to listen to NEW country music, I do not like rap. I enjoy going out to dinner, plays, movies, country line and couples dancing, concerts, weekend

getaways, church on Sunday and being on the water. God is an important part of my life and I hope he is part of yours. I also enjoy quiet evenings at home

snuggling with that special someone while watching TV or movie. I fit in any environment. I prefer jeans and a pair of shoes when I am working.

I am a spur of the moment kind of roman tic. A tender kiss on the cheek, a card, flowers, or weekend trip for no reason.

I am looking for my best friend, my soul, maybe a life term relationship. I have a great life and am ready to share it with someone again. I want to enjoy the

time I spend with that special someone when we are together and miss her when we are apart. I really enjoy the missing part, which means that I have

something (chemistry). I love the water also and go fishing offshore quite a bit.

OK your turn if you chose to continue. I figured I would give you quite a bit of information so you can decide if you want to continue corresponding.

Have a great day! I look forward to your response.

Respectfully,

Matt.


Needless to say, I deleted it. His profile had no picture in it so that was a big flag to begin with.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Taking Ownership

I read this article the other day about how a group, The Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), is suing McDonald's for unfair and deceptive marketing practices. Because they make Happy Meals.

Seriously??

Last time I checked most kids in the target Happy Meal age are maybe 3-10ish. I don't know too many kids who at that age can get to a McDonald's on their won and pay for a meal. They have to have their parents or another adult take them.

So, then, why is that adult not taking ownership of what they put in the kids mouth.

The two quotes that I found interesting were

"The nutrition group claims that using toys to entice children instills bad eating habits and puts kids at higher risk of risk of developing obesity, diabetes, or other diet-related diseases over the course of their lifetime. "

and then this one

"CSPI director Michael Jacobson acknowledged that parents bear much of the responsibility for children's eating habits"

Heloooo, McFly... Exactly.

'Nuff said.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

First Date

So a week after joining Match, I get a wink and an email from a guy.

I look at his profile*. Not drop dead hunky but not wanting me to hurl in my corn flakes either.



I take a look at his profile. Hmmm, doesn't smoke, that's good. Doesn't drink.... shit! I think about that a bit. Can I go out with someone who doesn't drink? Well, I think to myself. May be worth finding out why. I see he has kids. Darn. Not really a deal breaker but while I love my nieces there is a reason I have no kids. It was a conscious decision that was made.



So I continue reading through his bio. Nothing stands out as being too crazy or weird.




So I wink back. A little while later I get an email from him. We continue to exchange emails during the day. He asks if I want to meet him. Sure I say.

He asks if I would mind coming to his house as he has a new puppy and doesn't want to leave him alone for very long. I ponder this for awhile and say sure. I have pepper spray. We make arrangements to talk on the phone after work.

We talk on the phone briefly and set up the particulars.

Meanwhile I text my friend, Julie, to let her know what is going on. She also got his name, phone number and address.

I get to his house with no difficulty. It is nice outside as it is nice outside. He asks what I would like to drink. I tell him a beer is fine.

This should have been my first clue. The beer was Michelob Ultra. Seriously?!? People actually drink that?? Not bad if you like watered down beer. I also thought his profile said that he did drink. hmm, interesting.

We make small talk for while. It was kinda rough at times. I seemed to have to carry the conversation for most of the time.

It starts to rain so we head inside. As I am walking in, he is behind me and tells me I smell nice. I thank him. We sit at the kitchen table, which was a bit odd, but hey, who am I to judge. I look around. I notice a few things. A couple of cartons of cigarettes on the top of the fridge. Thought he didn't smoke. I also see several wedding pictures on a stand. Really?? you have been divorced for 7 years. You still have the pictures?!? and you are still displaying them?!? WTF!!

He asked if he could smell me again. I said sure, what the heck. He leaned in and kissed me. Nothing to write home about that was for sure. I get up and go to the bathroom.

Guys, if you are going to have a woman over, clean the bathroom!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to sit on a dirty toilet and would really like to have a clean sink and soap to wash my hands with.

I come back into the kitchen. He is standing. He comes towards me and starts kissing me again. Ok, yeah. I know. I probably should not be kissing him. He had his hands on my waist. In one swift move, he lifts up my shirt and catches my bra and up over my boobs they go.

I stopped things right there.

I tell him that I'm not going to do that. He proceeds to call me sweetie. Yuck. Tells me that he knows I want this. I keep telling him no, I really don't. This goes on for a minute or so. He then calls me a cock tease. Me?? seriously?? He says that I should have expected that since I came over there looking all fucking hot and all. I had on a tshirt and shorts. Nothing out of the ordinary.

He then asks me if I will give him a blow job. I tell him no.

He then asks if he can eat me out. I tell him no once again.

I tell him that I think it is best I leave.

As I'm walking out the door, he tells me to have a good life as a lesbian.

I never look back.

I blocked him from contacting me on match.

I also wonder who he was writing about on his profile. Not a perfect gentleman and you certainly showed me no respect.

* I'm using screen shots of his pictures and profile so that they are not searchable from Google or other search engines.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Match Game 2010


Remember back when.....  Gene Rayburn, Brett Summers, Charles Nelson Reilly and one of my favorites,  Fannie Flagg (I really like her books as well).  Yeah, well this post is not about that. It is about my venture back into the dating world.

So last week I signed up for Match.com. I really had not heard much about it but I figured it was worth a try. 

Maybe my first inkling that this may not be the thing for me was when I got my first 5 daily matches.  Turns out that one of them was a co-worker. I blocked that person from seeing me ASAP!

Stay tuned for more adventures.  You will get the good, the bad and the downright freaking nuts.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all my dad readers. This includes you uncles as well. I know how much Randy meant to my nieces. You have more of an impact in their lives than you may realize.

I miss my dad alot today. I wish he was still here.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

They Said What??

I'm reading the paper this evening and come across an article about the Bhopal, India gas disaster in 1984. It took the Indian court system 26 years to convict seven senior employees of Union Carbide.

I tried to find the quote by the Law Minister online with no luck.

Law Minister Veerappa Moily said that after the ruling: "It is most unfortunate that it has taken this amount of time to give the verdict. We need to address that"

You think?? 26 years is quite a long time. One of the defendants has died during that time and many are in their late 70's.

In the end they got two years in prison and have to pay fines of $2175. A small price to pay for a disaster that killed over 15,000 people and left a generation battling birth defects.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Things I Don't Get

Dear bank who held my truck loan:

I paid the loan off in March. It took you until June to send the title release because you didn't know where to mail it to. You never had a problem mailing me a bill each month.

Why did it take a phone call to "remind" you of my address? Also thanks for sending me a check for $0.17 because I overpaid. If you could have sent me an accurate statement I would have not overpaid you.

Sincerely,
HeyJo

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Easy As Pie

I found a new recipe that is both tasty and easy to make. No way I can mess this one up. Even better it is low in calories. The whole pie, yes the whole thing, is only 9.5 points (if you are a weight watchers person you know what I'm talking about). How can you go wrong with that??

Crust-less Strawberry Pie

4 cups sliced strawberries
1 small box or fat free, sugar free vanilla Jell-o cook and serve pudding - not instant
1 small box of sugar free strawberry Jell-o

Spray 8" pie pan with Pam
Slice strawberries into an 8" pie pan
Cook pudding using 2 cups water instead of milk following directions on box
Add box of Jell-o to the pudding. Mix well.
Pour over strawberries.

Chill for 4 hours

Top with 2 cups of fat free Cool Whip.