First Date

So a week after joining Match, I get a wink and an email from a guy.

I look at his profile*. Not drop dead hunky but not wanting me to hurl in my corn flakes either.

I take a look at his profile. Hmmm, doesn't smoke, that's good. Doesn't drink.... shit! I think about that a bit. Can I go out with someone who doesn't drink? Well, I think to myself. May be worth finding out why. I see he has kids. Darn. Not really a deal breaker but while I love my nieces there is a reason I have no kids. It was a conscious decision that was made.



So I continue reading through his bio. Nothing stands out as being too crazy or weird.




So I wink back. A little while later I get an email from him. We continue to exchange emails during the day. He asks if I want to meet him. Sure I say.

He asks if I would mind coming to his house as he has a new puppy and doesn't want to leave him alone for very long. I ponder this for awhile and say sure. I have pepper spray. We make arrangements to talk on the phone after work.

We talk on the phone briefly and set up the particulars.

Meanwhile I text my friend, Julie, to let her know what is going on. She also got his name, phone number and address.

I get to his house with no difficulty. It is nice outside as it is nice outside. He asks what I would like to drink. I tell him a beer is fine.

This should have been my first clue. The beer was Michelob Ultra. Seriously?!? People actually drink that?? Not bad if you like watered down beer. I also thought his profile said that he did drink. hmm, interesting.

We make small talk for while. It was kinda rough at times. I seemed to have to carry the conversation for most of the time.

It starts to rain so we head inside. As I am walking in, he is behind me and tells me I smell nice. I thank him. We sit at the kitchen table, which was a bit odd, but hey, who am I to judge. I look around. I notice a few things. A couple of cartons of cigarettes on the top of the fridge. Thought he didn't smoke. I also see several wedding pictures on a stand. Really?? you have been divorced for 7 years. You still have the pictures?!? and you are still displaying them?!? WTF!!

He asked if he could smell me again. I said sure, what the heck. He leaned in and kissed me. Nothing to write home about that was for sure. I get up and go to the bathroom.

Guys, if you are going to have a woman over, clean the bathroom!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to sit on a dirty toilet and would really like to have a clean sink and soap to wash my hands with.

I come back into the kitchen. He is standing. He comes towards me and starts kissing me again. Ok, yeah. I know. I probably should not be kissing him. He had his hands on my waist. In one swift move, he lifts up my shirt and catches my bra and up over my boobs they go.

I stopped things right there.

I tell him that I'm not going to do that. He proceeds to call me sweetie. Yuck. Tells me that he knows I want this. I keep telling him no, I really don't. This goes on for a minute or so. He then calls me a cock tease. Me?? seriously?? He says that I should have expected that since I came over there looking all fucking hot and all. I had on a tshirt and shorts. Nothing out of the ordinary.

He then asks me if I will give him a blow job. I tell him no.

He then asks if he can eat me out. I tell him no once again.

I tell him that I think it is best I leave.

As I'm walking out the door, he tells me to have a good life as a lesbian.

I never look back.

I blocked him from contacting me on match.

I also wonder who he was writing about on his profile. Not a perfect gentleman and you certainly showed me no respect.

* I'm using screen shots of his pictures and profile so that they are not searchable from Google or other search engines.