Thursday, July 29, 2010

My New Office

My company is moving about 100 people from the building that we are currently in to a new building about 4 miles away near Brookfield Square.

Every week we get new emails details the plans. Last week we got the preliminary seating charts. I was happy with that. We are away from come of the noisy people kinda by ourselves. Work hubby and I can still continue on with our daily bitch-fests about people.

This week we got more pictures of the cube designs. I'm not liking these at all!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

New Office Policies

My work recently implemented some new office policies. Not sure if I like them yet or not. What do you think??

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Good Aunt

On Saturday, I took my two youngest nieces for the afternoon. The older one, S, just turned 9 the previous week. The younger one, J, turned 6 last December. I owed them both the extra special birthday presents.

I picked them up and went to drop Riley off at the groomer. We then headed out to Mayfair mall. I went over the Hoan bridge which totally freaked J out. She was almost crying she was so scared that the bridge would collapse and she would fall into the lake. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that it probably would fall down before the city/county/state gets their act together and gets the bridge replaced.

As we passed Miller Park, S remembered that Randy and I had taken her and her older sister to a Brewer game a couple years back. She remembered that Prince Fielder hit an inside the park home run and that there was some glowing balloon thingy floating in the air after the game. Never did find out what that was.

Once we got to Mayfair Mall, I parked by Barnes and Noble as I promised S that she could pick up a couple of books for her birthday as well. We headed into the mall and J was amazed at all the stores. Build a Bear is upstairs so we headed towards the escalator. J totally freaked out with that. She had never been on one before and was afraid that she would get sucked into teh moving stairs. I had to pull her aside and let her watch it for a minute or so and then told her how it works. She jumped on the step and away we went. She wouldn't let go of my hand while we went up. When we got to the top she took a leap like she was crossing the Grand Canyon. She was all excited. We got to ride it a couple more times. My sister really needs to get these kids out into public places more often.

Build a Bear was fun. The girls had a good time picking out their animals and the outfits. They wanted to get more stuff but I told them that we could come back another time and get it.

We headed to the bookstore, so S, could get some new books. She loves to read and I will do everything I can to encourage that. She was so excited that she got to pick out four new chapter books. My guess is that she has already read them by now.

On the way home we picked up Riley from the groomer and dropped him off at home. We headed to Rocky Rococo's for lunch. I forgot that Randy's brother runs the place and it was nice that he bought us lunch. It was nice to spend some time talking with him. I don't get to see him very often.

It was time to get the girls back home. I wanted to get in a nap before heading out to the Waukesha County fair to see Night Ranger. Before I left my sister's the girls came up to me gave me big hugs and said that I was their favorite aunt.

I left happy.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Match Update - 7/15

So I got the following email from a guy.

"lets hang out"

That's it. Here is a recap of his profile.

Needless to say, I didn't respond.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

History Lesson

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and making art. This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of the cat, invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting, to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provide.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare..

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Miller or Bud (not recommended). They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer.


Thursday, July 01, 2010

Old Spice | Questions

Another video by the very hot Isaiah Mustafa. Forget the horse, this time he is on a motorcycle.