Not meant to offend anyone..... just funny....
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
When Black Friday Comes
No, not the Steely Dan song.... Today is a day that I usually try to avoid going to any stores. I am not the type to try and fight crowds to get a deal. To me, my time and sanity is worth more than most of the deals out there.
Thanksgiving was ok. Quiet. I went by my Dad's. He still can't eat so we just watched the football games. I played football with my two youngest nieces which was fun. Basically, I would throw or punt the ball they would try to catch it and run past me to score a touchdown. I also taught them how to spike the football and then make up a touchdown dance. It was funny. They kept trying to get the ball away from each other and one would face plant the other one in the snow. We finally went in when everyone's pants and gloves were wet from the snow. I just wish that my sister would play with them like that. They really get no exercise. They both love to be outside. My sister does not believe in them playing sports saying that it is stupid and dumb. I don't even try to argue with her anymore. Not worth it.
My dad is finally done with his radiation and chemo. The doctor's gave him some "blaster" shots of radiation on his glands. His neck looks really bad. It is basically one big, icky, oozing scab all the way around his neck. It is starting to get better but... yuck. He has to keep the bandages off it during the day so the air can get at it. He is starting to get some feeling back in his tongue. He said it stings and burns. Kinda like when your leg falls asleep. The swelling around his mouth is also getting better. It is just a slow recovery. I had to yell at him yesterday that he still smokes. I told him that the cancer would just come back if he continued to smoke and did he want to go thru this all again. He didn't say much. grrrrr.... I will have to venture out to Target or Kmart later to pick my dad up a few sweatshirts. He can't wear his flannel shirts because the collars irritate his neck. He will be lost without the flannel shirts.
Thanksgiving was ok. Quiet. I went by my Dad's. He still can't eat so we just watched the football games. I played football with my two youngest nieces which was fun. Basically, I would throw or punt the ball they would try to catch it and run past me to score a touchdown. I also taught them how to spike the football and then make up a touchdown dance. It was funny. They kept trying to get the ball away from each other and one would face plant the other one in the snow. We finally went in when everyone's pants and gloves were wet from the snow. I just wish that my sister would play with them like that. They really get no exercise. They both love to be outside. My sister does not believe in them playing sports saying that it is stupid and dumb. I don't even try to argue with her anymore. Not worth it.
My dad is finally done with his radiation and chemo. The doctor's gave him some "blaster" shots of radiation on his glands. His neck looks really bad. It is basically one big, icky, oozing scab all the way around his neck. It is starting to get better but... yuck. He has to keep the bandages off it during the day so the air can get at it. He is starting to get some feeling back in his tongue. He said it stings and burns. Kinda like when your leg falls asleep. The swelling around his mouth is also getting better. It is just a slow recovery. I had to yell at him yesterday that he still smokes. I told him that the cancer would just come back if he continued to smoke and did he want to go thru this all again. He didn't say much. grrrrr.... I will have to venture out to Target or Kmart later to pick my dad up a few sweatshirts. He can't wear his flannel shirts because the collars irritate his neck. He will be lost without the flannel shirts.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I'm Cooking Thanksgiving Dinner
This year I volunteered to cook the turkey for Thanksgiving.
Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (Orville Redenbacher's Low Fat is my choice)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.
And, you thought I didn't cook...
Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.
8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (Orville Redenbacher's Low Fat is my choice)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.
And, you thought I didn't cook...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
We're Sick And Tired Of Raising Your Young
I took this from the Onion. Another totally hilarious article.
Listen, humans, I am really starting to get tired of this crap. Get your shit together and learn to keep better track of your young, because we wolves are seriously sick of raising them.
I was roaming the forest the other day, just marking my territory, when what do I come across?That's right, a human infant. Boy, was I pissed. I'm sure the poor little waif was orphaned in a plane crash or something, and, of course, I was supposed to take it into my pack and raise it like one of our own. Well, screw that: We've got enough humans to raise already.
We wolves have our own offspring to rear, you know. It's not like we're just sitting around all day, waiting for another one of your little twerps to fall off a cruise ship. Do you think that after a hard day of hunting, I want to come back to the cave and look after some hairless, wormy thing that isn't even going to pass on my genetic information? Do I look like a fucking nanny?
If it were just a plane-crash survivor every now and again, I could deal with it. But when you figure in the whitewater-rafting disasters, the mountain-climbing accidents, and the attacking bears that kill the parents but spare the children, those orphaned infants really start to add up. I'm working my paws to the bone as it is.
And it wouldn't be nearly so bad if your babies weren't so helpless. Our pups are weaned and out of the den within nine weeks. A human child can't even walk until it reaches 15 months. Fifteen months! Talk about pathetic: By that age, our young are having kids of their own.
I'm sorry if I sound bitter, but I have to speak up, or the situation will only get worse. I'm the alpha female of a pretty good-sized pack, and it's hard enough finding, eating and regurgitating food for my own pups, much less a bunch of human children. I do my best to make ends meet, but your young are so picky it's next to impossible. They'll eat the partially digested berries I bring them, but they refuse to swallow the chipmunk meat I vomit into their mouths. If I injure a squirrel and put it in front of one of your young, the baby just lies there and wails at the top of its lungs for hours. Christ!
Then there's the problem of basic hygiene. Haven't you ever heard of licking yourself clean after you shit? How revolting. Our offspring instinctively know to wash themselves from the moment they're born. Then again, there are a lot of things our offspring instinctively know.
I know what you're thinking—we shouldn't drag your infants back to the den in the first place, if all we're going to do is bitch about it, right? After all, we could just send them out to start their own pack when winter approaches. To tell you the truth, we have driven a few of the more annoying ones out, but we always feel so guilty when we find their half-eaten carcasses a few days later. After the fifth or sixth time, it's hard to act like you didn't know it would happen.
Worst of all, in that rare instance when you do come to retrieve your missing kid, we don't get so much as a thank you. No, you just grab him and race back to "civilization" as fast as possible, so he can unlearn everything we taught him about marking his territory and stalking prey. No wonder wolves have been known occasionally to attack humans—you're a bunch of ungrateful bastards.
So the next time you lose one of your damn kids in the woods, you can forget about us raising it, because it ain't happening. Let the fucking elk do it.
Sincerely,
The Wolves
Listen, humans, I am really starting to get tired of this crap. Get your shit together and learn to keep better track of your young, because we wolves are seriously sick of raising them.
I was roaming the forest the other day, just marking my territory, when what do I come across?That's right, a human infant. Boy, was I pissed. I'm sure the poor little waif was orphaned in a plane crash or something, and, of course, I was supposed to take it into my pack and raise it like one of our own. Well, screw that: We've got enough humans to raise already.
We wolves have our own offspring to rear, you know. It's not like we're just sitting around all day, waiting for another one of your little twerps to fall off a cruise ship. Do you think that after a hard day of hunting, I want to come back to the cave and look after some hairless, wormy thing that isn't even going to pass on my genetic information? Do I look like a fucking nanny?
If it were just a plane-crash survivor every now and again, I could deal with it. But when you figure in the whitewater-rafting disasters, the mountain-climbing accidents, and the attacking bears that kill the parents but spare the children, those orphaned infants really start to add up. I'm working my paws to the bone as it is.
And it wouldn't be nearly so bad if your babies weren't so helpless. Our pups are weaned and out of the den within nine weeks. A human child can't even walk until it reaches 15 months. Fifteen months! Talk about pathetic: By that age, our young are having kids of their own.
I'm sorry if I sound bitter, but I have to speak up, or the situation will only get worse. I'm the alpha female of a pretty good-sized pack, and it's hard enough finding, eating and regurgitating food for my own pups, much less a bunch of human children. I do my best to make ends meet, but your young are so picky it's next to impossible. They'll eat the partially digested berries I bring them, but they refuse to swallow the chipmunk meat I vomit into their mouths. If I injure a squirrel and put it in front of one of your young, the baby just lies there and wails at the top of its lungs for hours. Christ!
Then there's the problem of basic hygiene. Haven't you ever heard of licking yourself clean after you shit? How revolting. Our offspring instinctively know to wash themselves from the moment they're born. Then again, there are a lot of things our offspring instinctively know.
I know what you're thinking—we shouldn't drag your infants back to the den in the first place, if all we're going to do is bitch about it, right? After all, we could just send them out to start their own pack when winter approaches. To tell you the truth, we have driven a few of the more annoying ones out, but we always feel so guilty when we find their half-eaten carcasses a few days later. After the fifth or sixth time, it's hard to act like you didn't know it would happen.
Worst of all, in that rare instance when you do come to retrieve your missing kid, we don't get so much as a thank you. No, you just grab him and race back to "civilization" as fast as possible, so he can unlearn everything we taught him about marking his territory and stalking prey. No wonder wolves have been known occasionally to attack humans—you're a bunch of ungrateful bastards.
So the next time you lose one of your damn kids in the woods, you can forget about us raising it, because it ain't happening. Let the fucking elk do it.
Sincerely,
The Wolves
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Welfare Check
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job.
I work, they pay me. maybe not as much as I'd like but hey, in this economy even having a job is a good thing. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit (which may or may not be a good thing). In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a urine test with which I have no problem.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ass, doing drugs, while I work. Got that sis??
Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? I guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'.
I work, they pay me. maybe not as much as I'd like but hey, in this economy even having a job is a good thing. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit (which may or may not be a good thing). In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a urine test with which I have no problem.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ass, doing drugs, while I work. Got that sis??
Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? I guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out'.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
1919 Poster
If you were around in 1919 and came across this poster.....
I mean seriously.... would you quit drinking???
I mean seriously.... would you quit drinking???
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
They Come in Three's or More??
This past week has been sucky.
Let's review.
Monday: Get phone call from sis-in-law at 3:30 am. She has kidney stones and needs someone to take her to the hospital. Hubby does this. I have to go pick up her dog and bring him back to my home as she will be there for a few days.
Get email from cousin at about 7:30 am that another cousin is really sick and not doing well. 6 hours later get follow up email, that he died. He was 51. He has had medical problems his whole life and had been on dialysis for the past 5 years. This is a blessing that he is no longer is pain.
Get call later that day from dad who says that he is not feeling well from his chemo and radiation. He was severely dehydrated. He spent the afternoon in the hospital getting fluids.
New dog guest, Bailey, is very restless. He does not sleep much at night, neither do I as I can hear his nails on the floor and his tags jingling all night as he wanders around the house. he is a good dog but sheds and I am allergic to him. Spend next three days with watery eyes and the sniffles.
Tuesday: Got to work on only a few hours of sleep. Elections. Get home from working that around 2:00 am. In bed by 2:45 am. Bailey still wanders around and I get very little sleep.
Wednesday: Work from home but get page at saying application I support is down at 7:30 am. Get up and start work. Was hoping to get some sleep, Damn.
Get phone call from dad. His sister (my aunt) dead husband's brother died. When we were younger we did alot of stuff with their family.
Skip trivia, in bed by 9:00pm. Get little more sleep as Bailey, decides he will sleep thru the night.
Thursday: Get call from dad. Sister is pissed at hubby and I. We have been sending her probation officer (PO) stuff that we get from Cheyenne's school. Also tell her that sister is stealing dad's cancer drugs. PO calls sis out on this and is livid. I could care less. Seems to me that if kids were in school and she was clean and had a job and moved out of parent's house, this would not be an issue.
Bailey goes home. My dogs are happy. I am happy as I can now breathe.
Friday: Memorial service for cousin. It was a very nice service. Lot of relatives in town. Got back to Aunt's house for a few hours to visit with everyone. It was nice.
Saturday: Burial for cousin. Cold and kinda rainy/snowy. Thank goodness it was only 20 min at the grave site. Note to self: Do not wear pointy heel shoes when having to walk thru a cemetery where the ground is all wet and mushy. Went to luncheon, it was nice to get to visit with more relatives. Don't get to see them much except for reunions, weddings and funerals.
Got to see movie, Max Payne. Kinda sucky.
Sunday: Get phone call from dad. Cousin from North Dakota died. I have not seen him since I was 15 and my grandma (dad's mom) had died. He was only 40. Not sure on the details yet.
Dad does say that he feels really good today. Better than he has in a couple of weeks. Only five more radiation treatments and one more dose of chemo left. Yeah!!
Monday: Get up and take truck to service station to get new tires put on. Get loaner car (no, it wasn't the Focus StB) Get home. Realize that when I left my keys at the service station, my house key was on the ring. No big deal. Have a spare key in the garage. Except that the garage door opener is in the house... the other opener, in my truck. Damn!! Call Dad, he meets me and gives me his copy of my house key. Yeah!!
Get email from friend. Father of another friend died on Sunday. Damn it!! This is getting ridiculous.
They say that deaths come in 3's. I am now up to 4. Does that mean there will be another 2? I hope not.
Let's hope that this week turns out better.
Let's review.
Monday: Get phone call from sis-in-law at 3:30 am. She has kidney stones and needs someone to take her to the hospital. Hubby does this. I have to go pick up her dog and bring him back to my home as she will be there for a few days.
Get email from cousin at about 7:30 am that another cousin is really sick and not doing well. 6 hours later get follow up email, that he died. He was 51. He has had medical problems his whole life and had been on dialysis for the past 5 years. This is a blessing that he is no longer is pain.
Get call later that day from dad who says that he is not feeling well from his chemo and radiation. He was severely dehydrated. He spent the afternoon in the hospital getting fluids.
New dog guest, Bailey, is very restless. He does not sleep much at night, neither do I as I can hear his nails on the floor and his tags jingling all night as he wanders around the house. he is a good dog but sheds and I am allergic to him. Spend next three days with watery eyes and the sniffles.
Tuesday: Got to work on only a few hours of sleep. Elections. Get home from working that around 2:00 am. In bed by 2:45 am. Bailey still wanders around and I get very little sleep.
Wednesday: Work from home but get page at saying application I support is down at 7:30 am. Get up and start work. Was hoping to get some sleep, Damn.
Get phone call from dad. His sister (my aunt) dead husband's brother died. When we were younger we did alot of stuff with their family.
Skip trivia, in bed by 9:00pm. Get little more sleep as Bailey, decides he will sleep thru the night.
Thursday: Get call from dad. Sister is pissed at hubby and I. We have been sending her probation officer (PO) stuff that we get from Cheyenne's school. Also tell her that sister is stealing dad's cancer drugs. PO calls sis out on this and is livid. I could care less. Seems to me that if kids were in school and she was clean and had a job and moved out of parent's house, this would not be an issue.
Bailey goes home. My dogs are happy. I am happy as I can now breathe.
Friday: Memorial service for cousin. It was a very nice service. Lot of relatives in town. Got back to Aunt's house for a few hours to visit with everyone. It was nice.
Saturday: Burial for cousin. Cold and kinda rainy/snowy. Thank goodness it was only 20 min at the grave site. Note to self: Do not wear pointy heel shoes when having to walk thru a cemetery where the ground is all wet and mushy. Went to luncheon, it was nice to get to visit with more relatives. Don't get to see them much except for reunions, weddings and funerals.
Got to see movie, Max Payne. Kinda sucky.
Sunday: Get phone call from dad. Cousin from North Dakota died. I have not seen him since I was 15 and my grandma (dad's mom) had died. He was only 40. Not sure on the details yet.
Dad does say that he feels really good today. Better than he has in a couple of weeks. Only five more radiation treatments and one more dose of chemo left. Yeah!!
Monday: Get up and take truck to service station to get new tires put on. Get loaner car (no, it wasn't the Focus StB) Get home. Realize that when I left my keys at the service station, my house key was on the ring. No big deal. Have a spare key in the garage. Except that the garage door opener is in the house... the other opener, in my truck. Damn!! Call Dad, he meets me and gives me his copy of my house key. Yeah!!
Get email from friend. Father of another friend died on Sunday. Damn it!! This is getting ridiculous.
They say that deaths come in 3's. I am now up to 4. Does that mean there will be another 2? I hope not.
Let's hope that this week turns out better.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Ca-Ching
Last night was our poker finals. Going into last night I was in a semi solid second place. Josh had already secured first place and there were 5 of us duking it out for 2nd ($250) and 3rd ($200)place.
Because it was the last night we decided to kick in $30 each and 20 would go towards the nightly payout. I knew it was going to be a good night as I pulled the ace when we drew for seat positions and that also mean that I got the 'good' chair. Meaning I did not have to sit on a metal card chair or one of the lawn chairs (Mark is a single guy and his furniture is a bit lacking). Game started out slow as I just wasn't getting cards. I knew that I had to play semi-conservative early on until a few guys were knocked out. Kory went out first and he wasn't even playing. He was going to be late so Dave was sitting in for him until Kory got there. Just as Kory walked in the door Dave went all in (up until this point he was playing ultra conservative as he didn't want to screw up for Kory). Bottom line, Dave had pocket A and lost to the flush. Ouch!!
No one really dropped for the first hour and half. Until the blinds went up. It was then time to shit or get off the pot for folks. I was still playing only the really good hands and not getting too crazy. Final three came down to Pops, Johnny boy and myself. Johnny was short stacked and Pops and I were fairly even. We knocked Johnny out and it was down to Pops and I. By this time we knew that I had finished 2nd and Pops had 3rd locked up for overall. It now came down to who would take home the 140 for winning the nights game. We played for about 20 min and decided to raise up the blinds to 400/800 to get things moving a bit more quickly. it was then that I made my move. I was pushing on any high card and usually stealing at least the blinds. Final hand came down to where I had kings and Pops had jacks.
I win!!! Whoo Hoo.
All in all the evening netted me a cool $390 big ones. Not bad for a fun evening of poker.
We are going to try and get a more regular home game going over winter. The guys I play with are fun and the play for the most part isn't too bad.
Here are the season results . If I could have played in the first game and game 8 I think I could have made a run at Josh. I had a sub that night and they were not the best players.
Because it was the last night we decided to kick in $30 each and 20 would go towards the nightly payout. I knew it was going to be a good night as I pulled the ace when we drew for seat positions and that also mean that I got the 'good' chair. Meaning I did not have to sit on a metal card chair or one of the lawn chairs (Mark is a single guy and his furniture is a bit lacking). Game started out slow as I just wasn't getting cards. I knew that I had to play semi-conservative early on until a few guys were knocked out. Kory went out first and he wasn't even playing. He was going to be late so Dave was sitting in for him until Kory got there. Just as Kory walked in the door Dave went all in (up until this point he was playing ultra conservative as he didn't want to screw up for Kory). Bottom line, Dave had pocket A and lost to the flush. Ouch!!
No one really dropped for the first hour and half. Until the blinds went up. It was then time to shit or get off the pot for folks. I was still playing only the really good hands and not getting too crazy. Final three came down to Pops, Johnny boy and myself. Johnny was short stacked and Pops and I were fairly even. We knocked Johnny out and it was down to Pops and I. By this time we knew that I had finished 2nd and Pops had 3rd locked up for overall. It now came down to who would take home the 140 for winning the nights game. We played for about 20 min and decided to raise up the blinds to 400/800 to get things moving a bit more quickly. it was then that I made my move. I was pushing on any high card and usually stealing at least the blinds. Final hand came down to where I had kings and Pops had jacks.
I win!!! Whoo Hoo.
All in all the evening netted me a cool $390 big ones. Not bad for a fun evening of poker.
We are going to try and get a more regular home game going over winter. The guys I play with are fun and the play for the most part isn't too bad.
Here are the season results . If I could have played in the first game and game 8 I think I could have made a run at Josh. I had a sub that night and they were not the best players.
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