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Friday, December 30, 2005

Dreary Day

What a dreary day. It is cold and rainy out. Yes, this is Wisconsin and it is raining. It is like 35 outside. Good thing it is not colder out or we would be getting alot of snow. The good news is that while I had to work a 1/2 day today, I was able to do so from home. Gotta love that.

I spent the morning organizing my mp3's on my desktop. They are almost all nicely organized by artist and album. I have a few more to go but made good progress today. Due to the kindness of a co-worker who is really into music, I have about 7000 songs on my iPod. I listen to everything. Here are the next five songs that I will be listening to: 1. The Trees - Rush 2. You Were a Good Friend - Kenny Rogers 3. Crackerbox Palace - George Harrison 4. These Boots are Made for Walking - Nancy Sinatra 5. Fool like you - Ozzy Osbourne. Nothing like a little variety. Hubby got me the iPod for Christmas last year. One of the best gifts ever. I use it every day at work. When you work in a cube farm, there tends to be alot of loud talkers so having headphones on, cuts out on the distractions.

As 2005 draws to a close, I spent some time thinking about the past year. We seen a few good people pass. Rosa Parks, Johnny Carson, Pope John Paul II to name a few. I also thought of all the good times we had. Going to South Dakota with A&A and J&K, who tell us that there are buffalo out there. Still not so sure on that, but the Indian tacos were awesome. Group camping and having J's mom all hooched up on Hot Sex. The 25 mile beer ride with P&K and the party afterwards (and driving home and stopping at the gas station so we could all pee, giggling like school girls). And who could forget, last Super Bowl Sunday. No one really watched the game but it was the last nite of the bar as we knew it. Many a good friend was made there. I hope there are more great memories for 2006. Best wishes to all of my friends and family.

Now on to the good stuff:

ZOBMONDO!

Would you rather....

Chew a mole off someone's neck

----OR----

drink a half cup of your best friend's blood?

Going with the blood on that one. If it is cold, I can pretend that it is a Bloody Mary with lots of vodka.

Christmas Pic



The boys with Santa. My mom and sister took them to visit with Santa. I got the pics as a present. Ain't they cute??

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Damn It

Ok, this is the third time I am trying to publish a damn post. Now I am pissed and crabby. It keeps says that it is publishing..... well after 5-6 minutes, it is still saying that. grrrr.... You would think that maybe, just maybe, I am should write these in another format and copy it over, but that takes to much energy.

So, now you get the Cliff notes version of my original post.

  • Was tired last nite, went to bed at 8:30pm
  • Dunkin Donut guy is dead
  • Had a bonus on my check, didn't know it was coming. Boss out of office to thank.

ZOBMONDO!

Would you rather...

Fall through the toilet hole in an outhouse

----OR----

be temporarily trapped beneath a pile of dead animals?

I am going with the dead animals. I have been camping with pit toilets and E. No way in hell do I want to get anywhere near that! Plus it never says how long the animals have been dead. Maybe it is only 15 minutes dead. Then I can pretend they are just sleeping.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Back to Reality

Well, Christmas is over. I have returned the gifts that needed returning. Gotta love it. Mom got me a sweater. Size XL. As I opened it and seen the size I knew right away that I would be heading back to the store. Has she not noticed that I have lost weight?? I am now a medium size (in most things). How can I be a sweater kitten when the sweater hangs down to my knees?? That went back as well as the sewing basket. Yes, you read correctly, a sewing basket. At first I though it was a picnic basket. For those of you who know me, know how domestic I am. I don't even sew on buttons. I liked it better as picnic basket. The funny thing (or maybe not so funny) is all that I asked for this year was gift cards and a Shih Tzu calendar. I was really hoping for a Wheel and Sprocket card as I am getting a new bike and need to buy pedals and a saddle for it. At least hubby got it right. Although I have to say, after 14 years, he is getting better. Last year, I got an iPod (which I totally could not live without) and two years before that he got me Rufus. Hubby did get a can of beef jerky. This is what happens when you let a 4 year old pick out gifts. You get some strange things. My sister should have stepped in on that one. oh well.....

On a good note, the ride into work today rocked!! No traffic.


ZOBMONDO!

Would you rather.....

Make your living by manufacturing sex toys

----OR----
guns?

This was easy. Sex toys. Wonder if you get to take home your 'mistakes'?? kinda like a bartender can drink their mistakes...

Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Fun Evening

Merry Christmas Eve and Happy Festivus!

Last nite, the gang gathered together for some holiday cheer. It was fun nite. I wish we could get everyone together like that more often. hint, hint, P. The topics ranged from 'Man Gravy Meatballs' to .... ok, how can we top the Man Gravy Meatballs. For those of you who do not know the man gravy story, here it is.

Last winter, a group of us went up to Keshena for a weekend getaway. We found this great restaurant in town called 'Farmin' on Main' They had the cutest waitresses. So everyone orders their breakfast and when the food comes, I ask 'What is that white stuff on xx's food?' I really had not a clue. The reply came back from someone, think it was the hubby, that it was man gravy. Well, all hell breaks loose as 15 people just bust out laughing at this. So the rest of the weekend was spent discussing the man gravy topic. Oh yeah, 'Man Gravy Meatballs' are just Swedish meatballs, in case you were wondering.

ZOBMONDO!

I would have thought that I would have had more comments from the men about the last one. oh well...

Would you rather....

Eat all your food liquefied and frozen, like a popsicle

----OR----
have strangers squish all your food like wine grapes with their perfectly clean but bare feet before you eat it?

My answer - not even close. frozen like a popsicle. I have this thing with feet. So that would totally gross me out.

update.... rumor has it that a certain young lady who was spotted drinking Hacker's (5 of them!!) last nite was not feeling so well today ;)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Thursday... Almost Friday

Glad everyone liked my toilet paper post... now if we can figure out how to mass produce it.... we would be in business.

Stopped at Big Mamma's to meet Gambino. She had a Big Mouth (translate - 16oz plastic bottle of Lite) and I had a soda. We had to do some business in the parking lot. For all of your Partylite candle needs, please contact her. She is mahhhvelous!

I think I have finally figured out this Weight Watchers thing. I have been doing it since last March. For about the last 6 weeks, I have been holding rather steady. +/- .4 lb each week. Not good, but not bad either. This week I tip the scales 1.8 lbs lighter. whooo hooo!! I think the secret is to eat and then hurl. Not on purpose, mind you. I am not bulimic. It was more due to the over-indulgence of wine last Friday that caused me to hurl on Saturday. That and the fact that I have rode about 60 miles this week. Whatever it is, I need to keep it up. I am 1/2 of the way to my goal.

How bad would it suck to work here?? Getting fired because your exceeded your moan limit. Good thing that boss does not work at the Mustang Ranch.

ZOBMONDO!

Would you rather....

As a man, live with a permanent eight-inch erection

----OR----

a two-inch penis??

Some penis trivia - the pig's penis has a corkscrew tip; the rhino's is two-feet long; the porcupine's when erect can shoot a seven-foot stream of pee. The smallest erect human penis on record is one centimeter long. I am glad I am not that guy's wife/girlfriend.

Happy Festivus! (it is tomorrow)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Wish for All the Difficult People in Your Life

'nuff said.....

Deal or No Deal

Note to Gambino..... my work blocks personal sites so updating my blog has to be done from home. By time I get to it, it is later in the evening.... now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

I have to admit. I am a reality show junkie. Love Amazing Race, Survivor, American Idol... and now Deal or No Deal. The premise behind the show is simple. Pick 1 of 26 cases. Each case has a dollar amount ranging from .01 to 1,000,000. Then you eliminate the remaining cases. At certain points the banker offers you an amount of money to walk away from the game. Depending on the amounts that are left, the banker can offer you alot of money to very little. So far everyone has taken the deal. The last guy they had on had two cases left. One worth 50 and the other worth 200,000. The banker offered him 99,000 to walk away. He took the deal. Good choice as his case held 50 bucks. I guess this is like DOND week and it is on NBC every night this week. Since there is nothing better on tv, I will watch it.

Zobmondo!

Would you rather.....

Have the CIA after you

----OR----
have the Mafia after you?

I know Gambino's family. I am going with the CIA. They can't even keep their own spies a secret. It couldn't be that hard to outsmart them.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A Disturbing Trend

Lately, I have been seeing a disturbing trend. People who, for whatever reason, cannot drive the speed limit.

Going to work this morning, I am driving along Howell Ave. The speed limit here is 45. I get to the stop light and there are two cars in front of me. The woman in front of the pack is going 35-37. After about 1/2 mile she should no longer be trying to get up to speed, she should be at speed. And of course you know that the fools in the other lane are afraid to pass her so they too are holding up traffic in that lane. It is 6:00 am people. No need to be an idiot. grrrr..... it seems like I am seeing this happen more and more. Even on the freeway. On-ramp are there for you to get up to the speed of traffic and merge.... not do 10 mph and then get mad when no one lets you in because you have no run out of room on the merging lane. I have, on purpose, 'drifted' over to the right so that people cannot get past me. If you are stupid enough to now be driving on the rumble strips, too bad. You ain't getting in front of me. Oh, yeah... most of these people are driving minivans. Don't even get me started on minivan drivers!

Ok, enough of me bitchin'....

Zobmondo!

Would you rather.....

Have a Texas accent and live in New York City

----OR----

have a New York accent and live in Texas?

See not all of these are disgusting.... just thought provoking....I would have to go with Texas accent in New York. I have not been to either New York or Texas but I would think that it is easier to blend in with the many flavors of New York accents than the other way around. Just my two cents.

Tomorrow's Zobmondo! is dedicated to Ms. Gambino.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Ever have a day like this??


Have you ever had one of those days where you got so much accomplished? That was me today. I finished up my Christmas shopping, got all my cards written out and mailed, paid our property taxes, dropped of a library book, went to Sears to get a price adjustment, grocery shopping is done, baked some cookies (yeah, they were the Pillsbury precut ones with reindeer and Christmas trees in the middle) and got my truck washed. All before noon. Really!! I even had time to ride my bike for over an hour today. That felt good since I had not rode since last Thursday. I am watching Moulin Rouge while riding this week. I better not be crying at the end again.

Today I am posting a picture of my boys. Rufus and Riley. Riley is the black dog and Rufus the brown one. I took some cute pictures of them over the weekend and wanted to share them. This is how they normally spend their weekends. Snuggled up together in the crook of hubby's arm.

ZOBMONDO!

Would you rather.....

Be accused of discriminating against someone because of age

----OR----

gender??

Once again a tough one. I have never been discriminated against because of my gender, but that seems to be more tolerated in our society. so....I am going with gender on this one. Our older workers do not get enough respect as it is. I would hate to be accused of doing something to a person based on their age. Old or young.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Sorry, it has been a few days since my last post.

Went to hubby's Holiday party on Friday. It was a good time. Or at least I think it was... I had just a few too many glasses of wine and was hurly girl on Sat. You would think that I would learn that wine does that to me. (ok, so maybe it was the 47 glasses of wine that did that to me). It was a casino themed party which was a great way to get people mingling. They didn't have enough tables set up for every one to play tho'. There was a waiting list to get on the craps table.

Saturday was spent at the funeral for my sister's mother-in-law in the morning and sleeping the rest of the day. I finally no longer felt like hurling by time the sun went down. damn wine....

We got a big chunk of shopping done this morning. I have only a few things to finish up tomorrow. It was nice to be out at the stores and not have a big crowd. We went over by my parents for a birthday brunch for my neice. She turns 3 on Tuesday. She didn't want to open presents so she spent an hour screaming and crying while sitting in my parent's bathtub. Don't ask why. I just closed the door so I could hear the football game on tv. (reason 743 why we don't have kids)

Zobmondo!

Would you rather.....

Be constantly depressed

----OR----

Constantly afraid??

This is a tough one. I think I would have to go with being afraid. It would be too hard to be depressed all the time. I am normally a very happy person.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Today, we had our Holiday lunch at work. For me, it sucks. They have food that I don't like. So, I ate my salad that I brought from home and went and got some olives and pickles from the lunch. We also have a silent auction that raises money for two local charities. I was the high bidder on a new Trek 100 cycling jersey. woohoo! I like it. Hubby wants to know why I need another jersey (can you hear the sarcasm??) It is kinda like shoes, you can never have too many. Alot of the depts. make gift baskets. There were some cool ones but they were out of my price range rather quickly. The cute dog treat basket one went for over 200. Another thing they do is too have people make holiday treats and package them up to sell for charity. It seems like a few people were lazy and just brought their leftover Halloween candy. WTF?? It is supposed to be about baking some yummy stuff and then for a buck you can buy the recipe. As most of you may have already guessed, I did not contribute my baked goods. I figured the world has enough blueberry pop tarts or hockey puck brownies.


So, I know you are all waiting for today's Zobmondo!

Would you rather....

Walk around all day with a dead mouse in your butt

----OR----

a dead frog in your mouth?

I have to go with the mouse. I have a bad gag reflex and tend to be a hurler :)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Since I got lots of fun comments from yesterday's Zobmondo!, I am going to start doing that today.

Warning: This one is a bit gross... hope you are not eating.

Would you rather....

Bite into a piece of chocolate and find it filled with maggots

----OR----

filled with pus?

I would choose the maggots. I can always pretend that I am on Fear Factor.


I just finished watching Million Dollar Baby. Since I have had to move my bike riding indoors now, I have taken to watching movies while riding. This was a great movie. Highly recommended. Hilary Swank and Morgan Freeman rock. I was once again not prepared for the ending and had no Kleenex nearby when riding so had to take off my shirt and use as a hankie. I was bawling like a baby. Thank goodness it is laundry day. I think I may have to take to only watching happy movies from now on.

Another recommendation I have is a site for very cool computer wallpaper. It is called Digital Blasphemy. I have been following this guy for over 5 years now and have all of his wallpapers set up in a rotation on my desktop and laptop.

Have a happy, snowy Wednesday! I'm gonna take the boys out to play in the snow for a bit before dinner.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

A Preview for 2006

I am thinking of putting a new feature out on my blog everyday (or as often as I remember to post). Let me know what you think and if you would like to see this as a regular feature.

Zobmondo! Zobmondo is comprised of wild questions that ask you to choose between the two options provided. You must choose an answer and then justify and defend it to death.

The rules:
  1. Abstinence is stickly forbidden. You must choose one of the options as it is presented.
  2. No condiments, plastic surgery or actions that change the spirit of the question may be added to a Zobmondo scenario.
  3. Disclaimer: While some questions may paint a violent, risque, shocking, nauseating, perplexing, sickening or downright disturbing picture... they are not meant to offend anyone or be taken literally.
  4. Do not try any of the stunts at home.

So now for today's question:

Would you rather.....

Chew on a wild rat's severed tail for a half hour

----OR----

thoroughly brush your teeth with a toothbrush from a prison's community toothbrush bowl?

Ready.... Set... Answer.....

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Book review

I jut finished reading "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. Wow, what a good book. I would highly recommend it. It is not just a chick book. The following is an excerpt from Amazon. They describe the story better that I could.

'Kate Fitzgerald has a rare form of leukemia. Her sister, Anna, was conceived to provide a donor match for procedures that become increasingly invasive. At 13, Anna hires a lawyer so that she can sue her parents for the right to make her own decisions about how her body is used when a kidney transplant is planned'.

This is one of these books that really make you think. What would you do if you were in that situation?? Since we don't have kids, it is hard for me to say. The ending was a surprise as I didn't see it coming. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

That and This

Went to a Christmas party last nite. It was at one of the neighbors. It was a fun time. Awesome food. Andy likes to cooks and it shows. Had a bit too much wine last nite so I am moving a bit slow today. It is always fun to hang out with them. I love their house. They painted their living room bright orange, yes orange, and the kitchen is a very bright yellow. I know it sounds a bit loud but it really looks nice. Not as garish as you would think. It is always kinda funny how people gravitate in the kitchens at parties. Maybe because that's where the food and alcohol is.

When reading other people's blogs do you ever click the 'Next Blog' link at the top of the page? I do. You really get some strange blogs. Lots of religious and political stuff. Sometimes you stumble across something funny or interesting. One was a detailed account of the daily life of an EMT. He describes all the calls that he goes out on. The other type you see alot are the ones by 12 year olds. Today they love one celebrity and the next day it is someone else. One girl was devastated by the breakup of Nick and Jessica. She cried for days over that. Those are a hoot.

Do you like the daily sudoku puzzles on my site? I am addicted to them. There is the daily one in the paper that I do most every day. Some days they are too hard for me tho'. I am thinking of another daily feature that I may put on my site in Jan. Have to see

Friday, December 09, 2005

This and That

I don't really have topic today just a bunch of little stuff to chat about.

Over the last two days at work, there have been re-organizations abound. They do this every year and this one is no different. It really started when the high ups announced the high up re-org in Oct. There were lots of middle mgmt folks that lost their jobs. Now it has finally trickled down to our area. To give you an idea of the layout, in the entire IT org, there are about 15,000 people. My slice ot the org chart is about 3000 people. Today we found out that another 30 people are gone. One of them was a person who I reported to for about 6 weeks. Nice guy, was even in Gambino's football pool last year (he was one of the ones at the bottom of the pool), but as a manager he was not so good. He never stuck up for his staff. I love my current mgr. If we feel that the decision that we made was sound, she will back that decision and stand up for us. I don't want to say too much more on that but all the details are being played out on Monday as we have a 2 hrs video conference to discuss it. Should be exciting.... NOT.

It snowed out yesterday. My pet peeve is the folks who do not clear off their cars but expect that if they drive fast enough the snow will blow off. IT WILL NOT BLOW OFF!!!! How freaking hard is it to clean off your car. These folks don't even bother to clean the head/tail lights off either.... and then they wonder why people hit them. You would think that the Darwin theory would kick in eventually. At least that it the thought that I cling to every day I have to deal with idiots.

Nice snow story. This morning, hubby and I rode to work. I work about 10 miles from his place and drop him off on the way. I drive down 124th st between Watertown Plank and North Ave. It is a two lane street with lots of trees. This morning when the snow was still fresh it looked so pretty. The trees were sparkling with the new snow in the early morning light. It is a pretty street in the fall. Lots of big, old trees that form a canopy over the road.

My girl, Cindy, was kicked off of Survivor last nite. Damn. I am in a pool and thought maybe this year I would have a chance. I had the same thought a few years ago when I had Rupert and never cashed. We only get payouts on immunity winning and the final three. I have been in a pool every season and only cashed in one - and that was a third place that was won by my dogs! (i needed another player)

Have a funeral and Christmas party to hit tomorrow. We also want to get the outside decorations up on the house. My job tonight (while hubby is playing poker with the B) is to get the lights out and make sure they all work. How is that a fair trade off?? oh well...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Guest Blogger

As promised, today's blog is another rant from my co-worker, M. This one has to do with his cube wall. The "Wall of Shame". Return tomorrow for another post from me.

While I was writing the Coffee Drinkers at Work bit this morning, I paused for a moment to take a brief look at my "Wall of Shame" in my cubicle, and thought I would share this with you. To put things into perspective, and set the atmosphere for this little tale (or more of a rant), I think I should let you know a little about where I work, and what I do. I work for a large banking institution in their IT department as a programmer/software developer. I spend most of my day surfing the Internet in between brief periods where I actually write/debug some code, or attend some inane meeting that serves no purpose. This is, of course, in between going out for lunch, reading the comics, or taking a s**t. So, what is my "Wall of Shame" you may ask?

Well, it all started out when everyone in the company was required to attend a mandatory customer service seminar, which focused on...you guessed it...offering good customer service. Now I think it is important to remind you, I am a coder who spends most of his time in front of a computer, and not dealing with the general public in any way. Why this was ever deemed an important global endeavor by the company is still beyond me.

The wall of shame started shortly after this debacle when I received my first Certificate of Completion for successfully completing the customer service course. Herein lies the shame:

Our company is always trying to cut operating costs, and crying about how it cannot meet budgets and so forth because spending is too high. I take one look at this piece of s**t certificate, think about how many thousands of employees are in this company, and how much each one of these must have cost to produce. My mind went numb. These weren't some cheap certificates either...I'm talking multiple colors of ink, intricate patterning on the borders, company logo...the works. These things probably didn't come cheap. Now to compound it, I look, and some District VP or some high-up s**t manager has his signature on this thing, and I get to thinking "Did this a-hole sign every one of these?" - The answer, he must have. How many man hours do you think it took this guy to sign every single one of these certificates for every single employee? And what is this tool's salary? - Now think about how much money in all these s**tty certificates cost. I had to put it up on my wall as a reminder to myself of the wastefulness I see all the time at work. And so my "Wall of Shame" was born. Since then, I have added two more "Certificates of completion" for other various bulls**t mandatory corporate courses, and one customer service checklist that I was forced to sign and given a copy of. Just once, I would love to take down these certificates, carry them into a board meeting and say "You people want to cut costs? Stop f**king making these useless pieces of s**t."

I suppose some people actually treasure these things, and think of them as accomplishments, but seriously...If you need some piece of paper to make you feel better about yourself, you have some serious f**kin issues. I find it funny they spend a bunch of cash on some certificate when a simple email would suffice.

The irony of all of this though is what is most precious to me. When managers come by my desk, they see the certificates and actually think I'm proud of my customer service certificates. I can't help but giggle some sarcastic and sadistic inner laugh when they stop by. Those who know me though, know differently, and know that my "Wall of Shame" serves as a testament to how literally, and thoroughly f**ked up Corporate America is. I suppose I should probably be fired.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Am I Boring or What??

I have not written for the last few days cuz I really have nothing to write about.

It has been cold as hell here. It sure does not take the boys long to poo when we take them out. They just were at the groomers so they get cold rather quickly. This morning it was 3 degrees out when I left home. It warmed up to a balmy 13 on the way home. I did see a great license plate. '911-ALE' Do I call that when I am having a beer emergency?

Packer game at P&K's was fun. I should have not started out with the double (or was it a triple) bloody mary. I was half looped by half time. Not that it mattered. Did not really watch much of the game. It was more fun playing with Cayenne.

Watched the Amazing Race. I love that show. Spoiler Alert: I was sad to see the 'Desperate Housewives' get kicked off. I like them even tho' they bicker alot. I was really hoping that the Weaver's would go. They are way to whiny for me. Even worse than the Paulo family that left a few weeks ago. That mom drove me up a wall. Next week is the 2 hour finale. I hope the Branson family wins it. Wally is a cool dad and they never get mad at each other. One of these days, StB and I are going to have to get together and make a tape so we can be on the show. We would be the drinking team. I think that both of us have enough alcohol related t-shirts from the bar to last us for the month. I would have to get over my fear of heights tho'.

Coming attractions: Tomorrow another rant from my co-worker, M. This one is how a company wastes money. It is rather funny and all started when we got a piece of mail at work. I forgot to email it home so you have to wait until tomorrow.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

It's Snowing Again....


It has been snowing most of the day. Hubby and I went to the mall and got some shopping out of the way. Tried to convince him that since I have lost weight and my jewelry doesn't fit real well that I should get some new stuff. He just suggested getting it resized. Darn. Was hoping for a new ring or something.

Today's picture is if Riley. It was taken a couple of winters ago. It was the first time he had seen snow. He is now almost three (12/15 is his b-day) and he still loves the snow. I just came back in from taking both of the boys out and had to shovel the yard so that they could have a place to go poo. We got enough snow that it is too deep for them to walk in. We always get shit from the guy next door about how we have to snowblow half the yard just for the dogs. Rufus hates to get his feet wet so he literally pees off the side of the porch. It is really nice outside. No wind and really quiet. I like this kind of winter.

Last week when it snowed a bit out, hubby had made a snowball and was throwing it so Riley could play catch. Except that every time Riley tried to pick up the snowball all he got was a face full of snow. So hubby, would walk over pick the snowball up again and throw it. Riley is not the smartest dog so it took about 6-7 times of this before he realized that he can eat the snow off the ground and now have to chase the snowball.

Tomorrow's game is at P&K's. Should be fun. I am making weenies :) hehe.... Hopefully all of their trees will stay upright in their yard. I have a feeling the Packers will win tomorrow. First, it is the Bears and second, they are due for a win. Let's hope. Also should be able to find out where the Badgers will play for a bowl game. I am hoping that they end up at the Music City bowl in Nashville. It is a cool city and would be a fun trip.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Is this your Office?

One of the guys I work with drinks coffee at work. M, is always bitchin' about the lack of respect the other coffee drinkers have. So today he sends me an email with his rants. I am posting this cuz it is way to funny. I did tell him that I was doing this so don't worry.

Background: There are about 500 people in the building. We are a building full of computer geeks and developers. (we don't count the mortgage people as real people since they are just annoying and make a mess in the bathrooms). Coffee in our building is paid for on an honor basis. .25 per cup. More if you have a larger mug. There are 3 coffee stations set up throughout the building. Each area has 1 machine to brew the coffee and 2-3 urns.

Does this sound familiar in your place of work??

Coffee Drinkers at Work by M

Upon returning from my latest excursion to the local coffee station here at work, I decided to come up with a list of everyday people I see in and around said coffee station, on a daily basis and rate them based upon their ability to annoy me in some way or another.

This is a categorization of everyday coffee drinkers at work, and their comprehensive AH rating. (You can guess what the acronym stands for). The AH rating is as follows: 1 being a mildly annoying person...5 being a completely egocentric AH.
  • Average Joe: Your run of the mill coffee drinker. Pays for his/her cup, makes a fresh pot when empty, keeps the area relatively clean, and vacates the area in a timely fashion. AH rating: 0
  • PigPen: A person who makes an entire mess of everything in and around the coffee machine and refuses to clean up after him/herself.
  • Skippy: Usually some big-shot executive who doesn’t have time to wait to get their cup of coffee. They will skip whoever is waiting to pour a cup as if the world revolves around them. AH rating: 5
  • Liquid Draino: A person who takes that last cup of coffee, and for some reason, does not make a fresh pot. AH rating: 4 ½
  • Spic N Span: The person who has to keep everyting immaculate. Spends 5 minutes cleaning up the entire designated coffee area, and doesn’t let anyone near the coffee pot until they are done. The antithesis of PigPen, though in some ways more annoying. AH rating: 4
  • Tea & Crumpets: The person who isn’t actually there to get coffee. They are into the tea thing, and only need hot water for their all organic, vitamin infused, anti-oxidant, karma-centric, super-holistic, chai beverage...or whatever it is these people drink. Normally, they are not a hindrance, but problems arise when they use up the hot water so you have to wait to make a fresh pot of coffee. AH rating: 2
  • The Breakfast Club: Not one person, but more like a group of people who feel the need to hang out at the coffee station, spouting their useless banter, or complaining incessantly about work, and generally blocking entry for anyone else wanting to get a cup. AH rating: 2 ½
  • Juan Left: A person who takes the second last cup of coffee assuring your fate of having to brew a fresh pot. My personal nemesis. Damn you Jaun Left!!! He always seems to be there just before me. You can’t really blame him though, so hence the lower AH rating. AH rating: 1 1/2 - If they are also a Skippy: 5+
  • Martha Stewart: A person who feels the need to decorate the coffee station with flowers, Christmas ornaments, or various other useless decorations. AH rating: 0-½ (depending on extent of decorative insanity)
  • Dead Kennedy: The person with blood-shot eyes who staggers to the coffee station in a gin-induced alcoholic haze, smelling like last nights mix of Marlboros, pizza, and bottom-shelf whiskey shots. AH rating: 0–½ (depending on if they breathe in your general direction...Entertainment value is generally high though - Is it wrong to take sadistic pleasure in seeing others suffer?
  • Mickey Miser: A person who doesn’t feel the need to pay the quarter for their cup of coffee. They feel that they are above having to pay for coffee, and the lesser peons of the workforce will make up for it. AH rating: 4 ½
  • Raspberry Beret: A person who feels the need to make gourmet coffees (like raspberry soufflĂ©, Irish cream, peach cobbler, or some other intricate concoction), and submit others to their idiosyncratic sense of taste. AH rating: 3
  • Bean-Trap Victim: The person who inadvertently pulls out the coffee ground receptacle (aka Bean Trap - Is there actually a real word for this thing?) while the brewing process is taking place. The result is a tsunami of bean water, and a volcano of hot coffee grounds which usually scald the victim’s hands and upper arms. General hilarity ensues (I know I’m a sick person) as a string of foul rants and profanities (sometimes rather creative) emenate from the Bean-Trap victim’s mouth. I’ll have to jot some of them down someday, as they are truly masterpieces of vulgarity. AH rating: 0 for comedic value.
  • Buttonless Bob/Betty: The person who loads up the Bean Trap with a fresh filter and coffee, but either forgets to push the brew button, or refuses to (as if they are a peace activist who works in a missle silo and it is defcon 5). AH rating: 1-2

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A Nice Evening

Sorry it's been awhile since I last wrote. It seems like it is hard to find time in the evening lately. I hate to miss the finale of Biggest Loser on Tuesday or Lost and Invasion on Wednesdays.

Tonite, I went to my niece's Holiday choir pageant at her school. Cheyenne is 10 years old and in the 5th grade. Chey had a solo during one of the songs and she did a really good job. It was so cute because her sister, Skylinn, who is 4, was sitting next to me and she was singing away and moving her arms just like they were doing on stage. After every song she would get up and clap her little heart out. The people around us got a kick out of it. You can tell that the school avoids any Christian religious references about Jesus. They did sing about Kwanzaa and Channakah. But that was only making a quick mention of them.

I had to take Riley to the vet yesterday. He has an yeast infection in his ear. I should have just gotten him a thing of Monostat 7 and be done with it, instead the vet writes a prescription for an anti-fungal pill. I go to Walgreens and drop it off earlier tonite. They say it will be ready after 6pm. On my way home, I stop to pick it up, and the place is packed. I had to wait 35 minutes to get my prescription. What a joke. Who knew that 8:30pm on a Thursday evening would be a peak time. It was less crowded when I dropped the prescription off at 5:00pm. I should have just waited. Oh well....

My ride into work sucked today. 1 hour and 15 minutes to go 30 miles. I don't think I went faster than 40 the whole way. Have I said that I hate driving in winter??